A Comfortable Haven- Your Closet

Several years ago, I visited a friend who shared that when she felt overwhelmed by parenting, work, household responsibilities, or finances, she would sit in her closet to decompress. She mentioned that sometimes just 10 minutes was enough, and during tougher times, she would stay a bit longer. Initially, I found this unusual and thought, "Well, that's a strange thing to do, but if it makes her feel better, why not?"

She explained that the closet felt safe because it was a small, enclosed space where she could shut out the chaos of her hectic day. In the dark, with the door closed, she could breathe without anyone watching, judging, or demanding her attention, allowing her to focus on herself for a moment. I thought she might be onto something but didn't give it much thought at the time.

Years later, I worked with a woman who had raised four children with Developmental Trauma. She told me that on particularly difficult days, she would take a few minutes to cry alone in her closet, focus on her needs, and muster the courage to face the rest of her day. She even kept a small refrigerator in her closet stocked with bottled water and chocolates for extra support.

With this being the second person to mention finding comfort in their closet, I began to pay more attention to the idea of "Closet Therapy." I started to ask my female clients who express feelings of anxiety and overwhelm if they ever sit in their closets for regulation. Typically, I get a gasp followed by silence, and then a meek "Yes. How do you know that?"

Closet therapy is a thing. The more I ask about it, the more people admit that they do it and it brings them comfort.  There is no shame or judgment in finding a quiet place to regulate, regardless of where that place is—even the closet. California Closets even advertises, "Create where you belong." Does it mean we belong in the closet? No, it means comfort can be found in a cozy, comfortable space. It may feel reassuring to be in a dark place, shutting out the outside world; leave the door ajar so you can see the light, or let the sunlight come through the crack underneath the door be enough. Some sit on the soft carpet and run their hands across it, practicing mindfulness. Some prop themselves up with their back against one wall and their legs stretched out, feet flat on the opposite wall. Others lay flat on the floor with or without a pillow or curl up or stretch out—whatever feels most comforting.

The point is, there is no judgment, no shame, no embarrassment in using Closet Therapy. Finding comfort in a small space can help calm anxiety and fears, allowing us to gather the courage to face the darkest parts of our days. The purpose is to take a moment for yourself, do what nourishes your soul, find solace, breathe for just a moment, quell the anxiety and overwhelm, and BREATHE. The goal is to resurface calm, confident, and curious about what lies ahead. 

Give Closet Therapy a try (with or without chocolates) and let me know if it works for you.